7.08.21- The Phoenix Returns

It has been much too long since my last post here. 5 years and counting. So much to update on whats "New" and whats changed and I feel like I need to dig up my old diaries and add historical entries to really get the full picture painted (more on that in another future blog post). Much of my life exists in a digital format (at least the post-formative years) and its funny to think that there are entire generations now where THAT is ALL they will ever know and have known. My own children fall into that category! I've sort have been on a nostalgic quest to remember my past life experiences because I am such a different person now.... PAUSE... not a different person (I'm ALWAYS going to be me!) but more so I'm in a different role/phase of my life now. But part of me wants to remember what I was like BEFORE I embraced my new roles as a wife and mother etc. Looking at my old Linked-IN profile kind of depressed me to tell you the truth too. I had such HIGH hopes of what I was going to achieve in my life and I feel like I haven't done ANY of it! But I have to remind myself "TIME AND PLACE"...so if there is still time left then I still have a chance of getting to THAT place...wherever THAT is. Anyoo, on my quest of nostalgia I found myself cleaning out my electronic files and email inboxes and thinking back to OLD romances and flings and one specific one stood out to me as the "WHAT IF...WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN?" relationship. Not so much that it was the "one that got away" but more so what experiences and life lessons could have been had if I had made different choices and he had made different choices? Maybe nostalgia has glossed over the pitfalls and issues that were a reality in that relationship, but what I do remember is that I enjoyed the simplicity, the proximity, the silliness and the Spirituality we shared. Whats ironic is that reading these old messages led me to remember why I still do certain things and that this particular relationship was the origin to some of the silly quirky things that have persisted since that relationship ended. Everything happens for a reason and at the end of the day I believe things were meant to end but part of me feels like they ended prematurely but for the brief encounter that we had together, it was a memorable, emotional, roller coaster ride but the love was genuine and I am greatful for the experience and the friendship.